Posted by: fullandbye | October 29, 2005


Brooklyn has become existential.
I feel like Camus and Sartre are watching me from above. Today, I am their character. It feels like I am an observer to hell.

“Give me more to drink, I don’t want to remember Andy. I remember him and I do not want to” (sob between dry heaves).
“Drink some water sweetheart, we are going to get you home…”
“Fifth floor? Joe, grab her under her armpits, keep her upright.”
“How much did she have? Are you sure? Did you watch her drinks? She is small, but wow, I have never seen someone so fucked up on so little.”
“You are to sleep in her room. She is completely out right now, and she is on her stomach. She has a bowl and two mugs of water at her bedside. Tomorrow, force water and juice and encourage her to rest, although a brisk walk sometime in the afternoon will do her good. Do you have an alarm clock? Check in on her every couple hours or so.”

To Joe, “I hear that god smiles upon people in our position” “He does.” “I am an agnostic.” “That doesn’t matter. God is not. He believes in us right now.”

Four am.
I am anxious in my room. The phone rings as I am on the cusp of sleep. It is the police, checking to see if there is still cause to dispatch someone to respond to a noise complaint made hours ago by my suffering housemate.

The district is silent.

The fire station has sent for reinforcements. Crowding the curb are several additional medic vans and a fire engine that looks like it is from the late 70’s.

The pavement seems poised to silently accept the retch and stumbling gait of cowgirls and superheroes.

I think I am coming down with a fever.


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