Posted by: fullandbye | October 22, 2005

For Sarah

Sarah interviewed me.
The questions were as follows:
1) Do you ever miss having an absolute faith in God (or whatever higher power makes the most sense to you)?

2) If you could get your dream position (job wise) tomorrow, what would it be?

3) What do you see as being the thing in your life you are either most struggling with or trying to learn or figure out?

4) Who is it that you give the most, and most freely, of yourself? What about that person compels you towards generosity?

5) What is one question you’d like me to ask you?

1) Do you ever miss having an absolute faith in God (or whatever higher power makes the most sense to you)?
All the time. The crisis of my agnosticism is frequently wishing for something at which to direct my wrath and indignation over the injustices of creation. Sometimes I am overcome with wonder and wish I had a being to praise. This happens much more rarely.

2) If you could get your dream position (job wise) tomorrow, what would it be?
I cannot give a single answer to this. I know that I like certain things in whatever job I have.
I do not like being desk-bound. I like a diversity to my work too. I like environments which stimulate me as a human being, and where the difference between my best effort and anything less can be signifantly measured. I like my work to be somewhat tangible, to be meaningful in both the process and in the product. I like some amount of physicality in my work, but this is not necessary. I like working with people whom I respect. I like feeling my work is helping me to grow, as a human, as a professional. I enjoy feeling competent, or at least feeling as though expertise will come with time.
I think I would greatly enjoy the following types of work: Stagehand or some sort of carpenter-craftsman-mechanic type job. I enjoy logistics type stuff, working for an outfit that requires a lot of logistical planning soungs like fun. I like being on the water–I would love to be a deckhand on a research boat. I also love to help people find that which makes them most happy–this includes teaching, advising, counseling. I would love to work as a tech-theatre consultant for high school programs. I would also love to be a consultant who specializes in training organizations in incorporating humor and levity into office culture. The truth of the matter is, I am not sure what my dream job looks like. I know that my two favorite jobs to date were working as a bread baker for a little mom and pop bakery, and working as builder for Seattle Opera. I get an amazing rush from teaching though, and I am good at it.

3) What do you see as being the thing in your life you are either most struggling with or trying to learn or figure out?
How to make choices that will eventually add up to a life without regrets. How to negotiate my fervent desire to plan ahead with my wish to live in the present. How to feel connected without school. How to spend my time in such a way that I feel proud of where my hours go. What choices should I make now that will lead me to become the person I wish to be?

4) Who is it that you give the most, and most freely, of yourself? What about that person compels you towards generosity?
I am not sure. I give a lot to Claire, and to Mo, and to my friend Sara May. Some people just manage to bring out the best in me. When I do things for them, the mere idea of quid pro quo seems blasphemous. I do things simply because I feel they deserve it. People are people through other people, but I am not sure what it is about some people that brings out the best humanity in me. I give a lot of myself to a lot of people, but sometimes the generosity of sharing your own humanity means that people experience the burrs of your being as well. This question is deceptively complicated.

5) What is one question you’d like me to ask you?
What do thing do I cherish above all?
I cherish the people through which I become most myself.
I cherish the trust that I hope (and believe) my friends and family have in me. I cherish the stock that people have in my integrity, my competence, and my honor. I cherish when people tell me that they trust me to make good decisions that effect them. I cherish the knowledge that my mother feels safe walking around downtown late at night with me at her side. I cherish that people feel safe when I hold them (assuming I am not in a bone-crushing hug mood). I cherish the feeling of believing that by being myself I can enrich the lives of others.

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Responses

  1. Man, the only time I was tempted to want a god was basically that bike trip. After over three weeks of constant wind I was pis*sed off (there’s a censor on here that won’t let me type that straight out. …. …. ….) Wow. Any four letter word. …., shit, damn. WOohoo! Just not pi*ss or fu*ck.) Anyhow…
    I also long for a work where there’s a tangible result of your day. That really ….ed me off from retail. No result. You cleaned up after people. Arranged shelves. Same thing, nothing to show.
    Ditto on three.


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