Posted by: fullandbye | August 29, 2005

too much croquet

There is such a thing as too much croquet.
I doubt I will ever be the same again.

Otherwise things are ok.
I find myself overwhelmed with negativity, and I am not sure where it is coming from. I am frequently not being the person I want to be. Things bother me that never bothered me in the past, and I find certain company grating. I want to lash out at people who have never done me wrong.

I want to be my cheery self. But there is a deep melancholy in me that I seem to attempt to exorcise through snarky comments and surly temperament.

I think I need to devote an evening to reading Calvin and Hobbes. Or Martin Buber. Or both.

I also need an organization, a cause to get involved in. A community where I can belong and feel like my work means something.


  1. We all still love you, Razzy.
    Maybe you just need to spend a little time grounding yourself?

  2. how?

  3. I find my best remedy is to slow way down all parts of my life.
    Reading, walking, personal projects, long talks with people you love, or what you will.

  4. I think she’s telling you to connect a wire from your body to the third plug on a wall outlet. Preferably a green one, so everyone knows what’s going on.

  5. Uh, that’s me.

  6. I was considering taking a coat hanger and fusing one end to a lightning rod and the other end to my…

  7. yeah, I feel myself less able to stand things I once enjoyed or at least tolerated. I’m getting old and crotchety waaaah!
    or maybe it’s that I tour Rome each day with 17 people, at least half of whom are 2+ years younger than me in college.

  8. Being unemployed, I’ve found myself overwhelmed with uncomfortable inertia, where I’m bored out of my skull but that boredom makes it impossible for me to conceive of any job I could possibly want to do. However, that’s been broken by my spate of volunteering, first at the Seattle Animal Shelter and second for Dow Constantine, the West Seattle incumbent on the King County Council and the biggest lush ever to hold political office. What an awesome guy.
    Now I am housesitting and attempting to understand the dog, but the species is just somewhat baffling to me. So yeah, in sum, getting involved with organizations is good, because you get to hang out with people who have similar interests. Um, so cliche there. Sorry.

  9. Dogs are great.
    The difference between cats and dogs is as such:
    Dogs look at you and think to themselves, “You love me, you feed me, you pet me, you play with me. You must be god.”
    Cats look at you and think, “You love me, you feed me, you pet me, you play with me. I must be god.”
    I love dogs.

  10. There’s always abortion, the great cause of my life. You could get involved in that!
    I don’t know how one beats melancholy–it’s certainly never something I’ve been very good at. If it isn’t out of hand then maybe you should let yourself be sad–read sad poetry, watch movies that make you cry, go on long contemplative walks, that sort of thing. Eventually you’ll get sick of it and want to be upbeat once more.

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