Posted by: fullandbye | May 25, 2005

My father’s son

I am turning into my father, overbearing neuroses and all.
How the hell do I turn into the best of my parents, leaving the parts of them that I readily admit are not so great?
I guess this is the crisis of growing up.

I feel really badly for my weird aggressions. I feel worse though because I cannot seem to shake the gnawing impulses that cause them.

How to let go when your gut tells you one thing. Your head knows that your gut is wrong. Your gut feels more like your father’s gut than your gut. But it is now within you and you cannot shake the feeling that you made a promise that you just do not feel comfortable keeping?

Perhaps I am being irrational. But this is not without precedent. And it might be genetic.

Forgive me my indecisiveness.

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Responses

  1. Not to trivialize your situation, but I love that line in High Fidelity. Something like I always followed my guts until I realized that my guts have shit for brains.
    But to your how I always liked a combination of existentialism and behaviorism. Changing behavior patterns is difficult, and it requires a nietzschian strength. Or perhaps any kind of disciplided effort. … maybe we can talk about it next we meet.
    most importantly, I feel you.

  2. So, this isn’t really a response at all, but you should come to my cocktail party on Sunday if you’re around this weekend. And bring your housemates. Shall be fun and dress-uppy.


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