Posted by: fullandbye | September 30, 2004

full of love

I am become love.
It is really strange; I feel as though this move into Swank has put me the necessary distance away from the Tess years. I guess that I define my life in terms of space more than a lot of people. While I was living in the Greenlake house, I thought of myself as one (pitiful) step away from the Tess years. It was not a happy place to be.
Now I feel as though I can fully metamorph into the person I would like to be. Being away from someone who did not let me change, and then being in a place where I longed for my old self put me in a really bad way. I am there no longer. I feel as though I have arrived at the verge of a major transformation, and it is really exciting. The future is a marvelous place when you are young and full of piss and vinegar.
I got the rest of my stuff from Tess’ apartment yesterday, and I even had a cordial (perhaps even pleasant) exchange with her over the phone. Now that I feel that I am in a better place than I was when my identity was perpetually reified in a historically defined feedback loop, I can approach her with kindness and perspective. It is great feeling better off than I was a mere year ago.
I also am overcome with love for my friends and for people in general. To be sure, I am a little stressed right now, but all my current obstacles beg to be met with humor and poise. I feel as though to be alive right now is an honor. To witness the turning of the seasons, to run into dear friends at every corner, to be so filled with love that it makes my soul radiate warmth into the cold of evenings arriving earlier and earlier. I am in love with living in this instant, with these friends and these distractions, with these sights and sounds and smells, with this season’s falling leaves paving these walks with gold.
Does it get any better than this?

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