schizophrenia

skhizein (σχίζειν, “to split”) and phrēn, phren- (φρήν, φρεν-; “mind”)

I’ve never had much cause to use the word “schizophrenia” in any sort of clinical sense. But I find the etymology incredibly powerful. Split mind. Split mind. I’ve been of a bit of a split mind of late.

Years ago, I lived right across the street from a fire station. I love fire engines and fire trucks. This station even had a ladder. Such wonderful vehicles! They are all red and shiny and loud and wonderful. The five-year old boy in me rejoiced every single time I heard the bell in the station ring and saw the rigs zoom out into the street. But the twenty-something year old man in me always felt a little bit guilty. Fire stations go into action when someone calls 911 and someone calls 911 when something is seriously wrong.

Shiny!

Tragedy!

Shiny!

Tragedy!

Like this. Several times a day for two years.

We are almost at the end of Hurricane Season 2010. Even though I’ve had a keen interest in weather since I started sailing in 2004, I have never paid as close attention to Tropical Atlantic weather as I have this year.

So far, Jamaica has really dodged the bullets pretty well. This season has been active, but with the exception of Tropical Storm Nicole (depression 16 until it passed over Jamaica) and some slop being dragged behind Hurricane Richard, Jamaica has remained lucky. This might soon change.

Over the past week or so, I’ve been keeping a really close eye on Tomas. Tomas organized very quickly over this past weekend and initial tracks had Jamaica squarely in its sights. The tracking forecasts proved wildly off though, as a combination of stalled forward motion and unfavorable conditions caused the hurricane to be downgraded to a tropical storm, then a tropical depression. The system also was forecast to veer sharply North and then Northeast from its westing trajectory. This makes Haiti a target.

As I write this, Jamaica is on a tropical storm watch but there is a lot of uncertainty in even the most conservative forecasts.

Here is where I am of a split mind.

Tropical Cyclones are the most powerful events found in nature. With staggering efficiency and scale, they convert solar energy into forces that are practically beyond imagination. They also destroy crops, ruin livelihoods, and kill people.

But from a naturalist’s perspective, they are absolutely gorgeous. They are so organized, so crystalline, and so powerful. Such exquisite beauty. Lethal beauty, but still exquisite.

I’ve now witnessed the damage that even a relatively minor cyclone can do to a nation. The current forecast trajectory that has Tomas grazing Jamaica and then strengthening before nailing Haiti fills me with sadness and some anger. I’ll be fine no matter what, but I know that this is not the case for everyone. Not by a long shot.

This statement is true: Nature is a splendid creation even when her creations are lethal. But the truth in this statement causes my mind to be in conflict with my soul. I do not doubt for a moment that beauty is truth, truth beauty. But maybe it is the case that sometimes beauty, truth, wonder, and sadness are all part of the same experience.

So here I am, of split mind and split heart. Waiting for the weather and wondering what comes next.